I know my life will change.
People who are already parents point this out to me at seemingly every opportunity and with altogether too much barely concealed glee. I don't begrudge them their fun and I'm not quite delusional enough to believe I won't suffer the sleeplessness, haplessness and defencelessness that those who have gone before me have endured. I am still secretly hopeful that the degree to which I will suffer those things is far less and I will have the opportunity to offhandedly say things like "I don't know what all the fuss is about" and "He woke us up early... it was just after six". Then pause to look into their eyes as the fires of their rage are furiously quelled by decorum and the subject is quickly changed. There may not be much time to enjoy TV but entertainment is there to be had if you look hard enough for it.
One becomes much more aware of the messages about child rearing information that surround us too. I do not Facefriendspacetwoot so it isn't the sophisticated analysis that the internet giants employ to discover that you are a liberal voting, double espresso drinking, concert going, ford driving, non-condom buying soon-to-be father. (To be fair I am only the last of those). Instead I think it is more that we tune in and out of the constant stream of information that tires us out so completely each and every day. So now I am much more likely to read and notice things like "5 ways to know your child is a psychopath", "How young is too young for chores" and "Is coal mining a chore or a viable career path for the young post millennial?".
As is always the case the confirmation bias is strong. Articles that encourage the traits you already believe in are held up as the definitive way to ensure your child will be happy, successful and, most of all, willing to look after you when you no longer can. Articles that go against your established, or at least intended, plans are dismissed as the barely coherent ramblings of an alcoholic journalist trying their had at a subject they know nothing about.
A bit like when the cricket guy gets roped in to write about the FIFA World Cup (I only put "FIFA" in because I assume you're an idiot) and can't help himself when he uses phrases like "kick a goal", "known as the Bradman of Brazil" and "11 players per side just like the older game of cricket".
The funny thing is none of that information you read is likely to sway you, even if you want it to, because we are very instinctive and outrageously forgetful. Even if you would like to believe that we are guided by rational thought and open to change. If you doubt this I suggest you attempt to coach a football team and I'm not restricting myself to the realms of the local U5's here. Though it's probably too much to ask for you to gain the qualifications and experience required to coach, say, Barcelona. You can come up with the most rudimentary of game plans and practice it all week long but as soon as they cross that white line they instantly forget every instruction and simply revert to type. For the U5's that means forming a tight huddle around the ball and trying to propel it goalward by sheer force of numbers and for Barcelona it's show off a bit to stay on contract until the defender gets too close and then pass it to Messi.
Both methods work, that's why they continue to be used. Optimal they ain't.
So what do I do? More importantly, what's my "revert to type"? If I'm to be worried about doing something wrong then surely step 1 is to figure out what I'm likely to do, figure out if that's OK and if it isn't try to change that specific path. This is hard to do if no part of this path has been walked by me before.
I would like to instil the virtues of knowledge, confidence, sound motor skills and the value of honesty and community. Actually I'm not sure about that last one but I appreciate that no man is an island (thank you John Donne) and it's very hard to get by without at least a little bit of social skill and communitymindedness. After all, Messi needs someone to pass the ball to him.
One point that has stuck with me so far from all this ad-hoc research into how to grow a human being is that like the apes we are our young will take a lot of their cues on a wide range of attributes from their parents. Which gives me pause to make some uncomfortable self-assessment.
My son is likely to stare into a screen when he isn't busily picking his nose or thinking about where his next piece of cake is coming from.
Maybe it's not so much about raising a child as it is the ultimate motivator for self improvement.
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