There's something deeply unsettling about watching your wife's stomach move because there is something inside it that's alive. Your mind inevitably snaps to that scene in Alien. I'm not proud of what I said the last time I saw this happen but I want you to understand that as a human I am constantly watching the world and wondering what might be, could be and should be. Right there and then seeing it move I wondered what it else it could do... in a moment that my inside voice should have kept for itself I idly wondered "Imagine if it started screaming while it was still inside you".
I'm not sure what damage I did to my stomach muscles from laughing but I'm sure she was reconsidering her choice of partner in between gulping mouthfuls of air. Nothing you do while pregnant is graceful anymore. To underline that point wife managed to fracture her pinkie toe in the final weeks of pregnancy. Partially because she can no longer see where her feet are and partially because the cats make you change direction when you're not ready to. The upshot was that she now sports a waddling limp where once there was a confident stride.
The changes in the body of a pregnant woman are numerous and as an interested observer I am sure I am missing the bulk of the changes. Relocating organs, a mix of hormones that even a gym junkie would baulk at, loss of grip, baby-brain and an ever expanding wardrobe to accommodate a similarly expanding body. If men had to bear children the human race would die out. I know it's not the first time those words have been strung together but it's true. But for a cameo role in the first few moments the level of participation is skewed heavily towards the pregnant party. When it comes to the bacon and egg roll the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. I am the chicken and the wife is... umm, no, that's not right. Where is the delete key?
The point is that for one reason or another the pregnant party is building a bond with the unborn child that will ultimately never be matched by the partner and when it comes to how we perceive the world, the value of a life and the importance of compassion and sacrifice women have it all over us men. We hate it when they remind us, and deny it's true... but it is.
Ask me what I'd give up for the continued existence of humans. Go on...
Sugar? Cinnamon? Ice-Cream?
Nope, hell no and you've met me, right?
How about Football, earning money or the internet?
Now you're just being silly.
I might... and I say "might" be persuaded to give up alcohol but even then I'm really just a very casual drinker and would instantly break that promise if someone were to put a beer in front of me.
Maybe the human race would die out even if men did willingly bear children because they'd all be stupid from the effects of alcohol. There'd be a planet of Bam Margera's which would certainly test the limits of anyone's will to live.
Not long to go now...
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